Sharpening Our Tools of Interruption
Our friend Allison Fine, Entrepreneur & Owner of Kaleidoscope Soul, shares her thoughts on how to “Be RAW” — Real, Active & Wonder-filled. As Alli told me, “our differences are what make us unique. Our Uniqueness is what makes us human. And our humanity is the breeding ground for our dreams. Incidentally, it is also the incubator for our fears.”Dodging Bananas
As children, we are taught to ask questions. “There is no such thing as a stupid question.” We are encouraged to use our imaginations. Recess was a time to play ball and play pretend. The adults in our lives cheered us on in soccer games, dance recitals, and spelling bees. They made posters, celebrated on the sidelines, and elevated our successes with post-event pizza and ice cream.
Then comes adulthood. We encounter rejections from schools, jobs, banks, significant others, etc. Little by little, our foundation begins to crack. We feel a sense of unhappiness. Social media shows us the prom queen getting married and the jock getting drafted to the big leagues. We see colleagues traveling the world, having kids, and making money. We may feel shortchanged. It is an unpleasant feeling.
And yet, you never saw yourself as a jealous person. If you had great successes, it would feel good to show them off. It is understandable. We have all seen the motivational memes — the ones reminding us that without darkness there can be no light. We know such mantras to be true, but as a game of Mario Cart, we continue to toss obstacles in our path. Those banana peels slip up as if by magic. You don’t even like bananas!
Not all women are nurturers. Not all women are domestic. Not all women want to get married or have children. Not all women look the same. Not all women want to be tan, blonde, and over 5 foot, six. Not all women have the same professional goals or the same hobbies.
The people and experiences (and bananas!) in our lives change us. Having a baby seems like a happy event, but no one likes to mention the things parents give up: their freedom, their privacy, their sleep. Getting married seems like a happy event, but no one likes to mention the things each party gives up: their freedom, their last name, their prior relationships with friends and family. Graduating high school seems like a happy event, but no one likes to mention the things graduates give up: their home for four years, their friends, their teachers, their routines, their childhood. Each time we lose something that we have invested in, be it a material investment or an intangible one, how crazy is it to think that we may not have been taught how to grieve?
Have you ever considered that the reason for these feelings of comparison, inadequacy, and misery could be the result of not properly grieving the losses in your life? Society typically brings up grief with death, but there is grief in all that is good, as well as the bad. Any time we must redefine who we are, there is grief involved.
A Photoshoot in the Woods
I never planned on doing a nude photoshoot in the woods. But I made it happen because I wanted to feel empowered and to do so in a creative way. Often the reason behind a decision is not always obvious. It helped that a photographer friend of mine was into the idea. Together we put the plan into action. The shoot took place at a time in my life when I was in a relationship where I was constantly treading water sort-of-speak. When we got out of the car to hike to the location, it started to rain. It was cold and I did not have a change of clothes with me. My friend asked if I wanted to forget about it, but I said, “It’s not like I’ll be wearing clothes, so who cares if they get wet?” The shoot proved to be a test of my patience and fortitude in such conditions and resulted in an album of beautiful photos. In the last few frames, we even splattered some fake blood on me. I think we all have a bit of dark side.
When I told my friends about my nude photoshoot, many responded saying things like, “Well you have the body for it. I’d need to lose weight first” or “You’re creative, I wouldn’t know what to do in front of the camera.” When people speak of finding a common ground with others, one thing we all have in common is our shared experience in Excuse-ville. It is the capital of Fear. It is the hometown of Bullshit.
Shortly after my photoshoot, I ended my relationship. I was able to see that I deserved more. We had practically lived together, and his roommate was one of my best friends. Transitioning back to being single was hard. My ex and I lived in the same town. We went to the same bar. We had the same social circle. I was back to living with my parents. Friends told me things like “You’re better off” and “You dodged a bullet.” And while their support was needed, I also needed to learn again who I was. It was in this time that I felt myself comparing my situation to others. My relationship had just ended, and my best friend was moving in with her boyfriend. I was happy for her, but in turn I felt that my life was running away from me.
Tools of Interruption
Not all women are nurturers. Not all women are domestic. Not all women want to get married or have children. Not all women look the same. Not all women want to be tan, blonde, and over 5 foot, six. Not all women have the same professional goals or the same hobbies. We are all on different timelines. And yet as a woman, I admit that I have, and will again find myself in a whirlpool of self-sabotage. What is important is to acknowledge it when it happens and to have an anchor ready. What do I mean by an anchor? A tool of interruption.
When I told my friends about my nude photoshoot, many responded saying things like, “Well you have the body for it. I’d need to lose weight first” or “You’re creative, I wouldn’t know what to do in front of the camera.” When people speak of finding a common ground with others, one thing we all have in common is our shared experience in Excuse-ville. It is the capital of Fear. It is the hometown of Bullshit. When summer comes, you do not need to “have a beach body.” You have a body. Wear what makes you feel good and head to the beach. When you want to relax, you do not “need to be flexible” to attend a yoga class. You gain flexibility when you go there. See where I’m going with this?
A TOI (tool of interruption) drowns out the nonsense. For me, my TOI is a collection of things. I have an entrepreneurial spirit. Because of that, my mind is always on. When I get caught up in Drivel City, I step back and read a book or do some creative writing. Sometimes I watch a Hallmark movie. Removing myself when I feel the pull of the current is essential for me. Another tactic I use is a to-do list. I write down things that are solely for myself. Sometimes these things are vague, but I let them materialize. For example, having recently moved to a new state, I often write down “explore.” Sometimes this means a local bar, a park, or a virtual museum exhibit. We talk about “keeping things fresh” in our relationships with others, but it is essential that we do this for ourselves!
So go ahead-learn to ice sculpt. No skills needed-just an open mind and warm clothes. Go online and create that LLC! If you have an idea for a business, chances are you are not alone in your desire for its services. If your company fails, do not label yourself as a failure. Being a failed business owner myself, I learned a lot along the way, met some amazing people, figured out when to ask for help, discovered what not to do, and most importantly, cultivated the confidence in myself to try anything and everything I can moving forward.
What is important is to acknowledge it when it happens and to have an anchor ready. What do I mean by an anchor? A tool of interruption.
Contributed by Allison Fine, Owner of Kaleidoscope Soul, a company that provides resources on wellness, fitness, as well as discussing real topics and showcasing real people from all walks of life.
kscopesoul@gmail.com | @alli_in_motion & @kscopesoul | www.kaleidoscope-soul.com
